I get what Oprah was trying to do when she named the vagina “vajayjay.” It’s admirable, to try to give it a cuter name when we usually use the clinical “vagina” and its sisters, Mons, Labia, and Vulva, or swear words that men have named our private parts. It is nice to have options. But vajayjay just makes me squirm. It’s almost apologetic. It tries too hard.
When men name their equipment, there’s a cheerful bravado, a cheekiness to it. They use euphemisms because it’s entertaining, not shameful. Their words also give you a little hint about their hobbies and background.Asking a group of men what they call themselves is a great conversation starter. It also gets the conversation off sports, which is never a bad thing. For example:
Twig and berries (for self-deprecating Englishmen)
Rod and Reel
Package (like a present!)
Shillelagh (for the Irish)
Joystick (for the gamers)
Johnson (after the outboard motor)
I’m already enjoying this more than when I was writing about vajayjays. And this is just the tip of the Pickle! So in the interest of fairness, I present some of my favorite euphemisms for vagina, presented to me by my patients.
Susie (often swollen, or “swole”)
Pocketbook (sometimes is “drippin”)
WA (womanly area)
Waheena (Spanglish, useful in the delivery room where the doctor and patient are on the opposite sides of the Spanglish line, such as “Okay! Mucho presso in waheena!” Can also be used with “Relaxo!”)
Fancy Bit http://feministing.com/2010/11/02/a-pocket-guide-to-vaginal-euphemisms/ (Most of these are unflattering, but I like this one.)
Now it’s your turn. Do your part for womankind and create some impudent terms that we can all be proud of. Extra points given for originality, elegance, and making me snort my milk out through my nose.